Ted Cruz Meets Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Gets Roasted

Cheryl Sanders
November 7, 2018

Just in time for Election Day, a moment of equal-opportunity, bipartisan hilarity, courtesy of "The Late Show With Stephen Colbert".

What pundits are saying: Nate Silver reports that Cruz's lead narrowed, noting that one of the polls they cite is a Democrat polling outlet, but FiveThirtyEight is still marking the seat as "Likely R", with a 7-in-9 chance Cruz wins (78.8%). He asks the candidate if he's concerned that his young voters think they can vote for him through Instagram, and tries to get O'Rourke to endorse voting twice thanks to the broken voting machines.

Robert Smigel, as Triumph, has fun roasting the lefties who turn out for O'Rourke, but he saves his best material for dragging Cruz within an inch of his life. He interviews a group of Cruz supporters who crack up throughout his roasting of Cruz, which include a joke that if Ted loses, "he'll end up back with his first love, the mute lady from The Shape of Water?".

After interviewing the candidates, Triumph joined in with Cruz supporters to chant that he is a "lion of the Senate". "Because he's a ugly fish monster!" "I'm not 'overwhelming scientific evidence of global warming'".

"Ted, I have a pre-existing condition that makes me vomit out of my eyes whenever I see you", Triumph shouts from the back of the room during the Cruz rally. Preaching optimism and bipartisanship, he also refused to soften a liberal agenda that included calling for impeaching President Donald Trump, decriminalizing marijuana, implementing universal health care and gun control and relaxing federal immigration policies.

"Ted, is it true that you will defend the constitution at all costs?" "Just remember", Cruz cautioned Triumph.

Finally, Triumph got to harass Cruz up close, and Cruz tried to own the dog.

Triumph handed out stickers to early voters that read: "I'm Pretty Sure I Voted" and "Just Light Enough To Vote". Ted Cruz now lives inside of a burn ward.

Other reports by iNewsToday